I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
