im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
