im drinking this country out of the recession.
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
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My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
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He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.