Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
