He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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