she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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