I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
