I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
