Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
