..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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