If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
