end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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