guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
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I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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