The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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