He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
