I just pynch a tree in the face
I looked at my own cervix.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
