I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
