you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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