the day after is always just damage control
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
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you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
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possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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