five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
