You're earring is so big in my mouth
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
You need Xanax blowdarts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Come on in and take your pants off
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