he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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