so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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