This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
