So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
she pinky promised me she was 18
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
