I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
