batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
