True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
