Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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