it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Randomize
