I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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