We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
