Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
