I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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