: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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