I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Randomize
