oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Someone shattered a urinal.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
It's never too late to be topless.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
