Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
