This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
