I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
