if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
