first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
