I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
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At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
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This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
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