um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
