he puts the penis in happiness.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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