2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Congratulations! We have a period
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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