after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
