Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
