My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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