Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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