my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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