All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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