I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
People in love make me want to vomit
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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