oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i drank out of a bidet.
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There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize