i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
