Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
