i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
