I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
