it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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