Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
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she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
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THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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