we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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