It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
I just threw up on my dentist
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
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