just come out here and I will go home with you...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
