bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
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