You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The air was thick with penises
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
