i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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