Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
