She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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