do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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