im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
