yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
