I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
