Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
