You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
