I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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